/page/2

All The Small Things

I just wrote a paragraph and a half about my anxiety and I deleted it all. I don’t know why. I need to go back to writing…Xanga, here I come.

It’s gettin’ a little crazy up here in the old CR.

It’s gettin’ a little crazy up here in the old CR.

This Is The Kind Of Thing I Need Right Now

  • Andy: Thank you for existing!
  • Me: Thank you for wanting me to exist.
  • Andy: If I could want anything it would be for me to stick you in my pocket and carry you around everywhere I go.
  • Me: I'd love to live my life in your pocket!
  • Andy: There's weed in there.
  • Me: Even better.

Tomorrow At Three

My whole life could change. Or go back to the way it was before. I’d rather have the second one.

Why do I put myself in these uncomfortable situations?

Running Is A Lot Like Sex

Think about it.

It’s such an extreme release of emotions. And it always makes you feel better. Sometimes it’s better with music, sometimes it’s better without, but you always have to be in the mood. Sometimes while you’re running you have to push yourself through the hills because you know the final outcome will be something amazing. It might get hard at times but you don’t want to stop because it feels great. When you see the finish line in sight you pick up the pace because you want that last stretch to be awesome. You want to feel the burn, you want to know that you deserve to cross that finish line. And once you do you’re so happy. After a run you just collapse. You’re breathing heavy, your heart’s racing, you’re sweating and your mind is spinning. After the initial exhaustion, you have a feeling of being revitalized. You’re ready to get up and do anything. You’re perky, you’re happy, you love life. It clears your mind. It allows you to feel what you really want to feel.

And also, not good on an empty stomach.

This is what I realized today: Running is a lot like sex.

This is what I realized today: Running is a lot like sex.

Colbie Caillat – Older
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Listen, listen, listen.

My first go at photo-editing. It’s looks good, yes?

My first go at photo-editing. It’s looks good, yes?

Let’s Try A Mix(ed up) Tape.

1. It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye: Boyz II Men (Although I have my high school’s acapella group’s version of it which I like, A LOT more.)
—-How do I, say goodbye, to what we had? The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad. I thought we’d get to see forever, but forever’s gone away. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. I don’t know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we’ve been and what we’ve been through. If we get to see tomorrow I hope it’s worth all the wait. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. And I’ll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

2. Breakeven: The Script (probably the best one on here)
—-I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing. Just praying to a god that I don’t believe in. ‘Cause I got time while she got freedom, ‘cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even. Her best days will be some of my worst. She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first. While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping. ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up that you’re okay? I’m falling to pieces, yeah, I’m falling to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are gonna stop the bleeding, ‘cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving. ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, no. You took his heart and my heart and none of the pain, you took your suitcase I took the blame. Now I’m tryna make sense of what little remains. ‘Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name.

3. One More Time With Feeling: Regina Spektor (this one’s short. Like one line. But it fits.)
—-Hold on, one more time with feeling. Try it again, breathing’s just a rhythm. Say it in your mind until you know the words are right. This is why we fight.

4. Hard Time With Goodbyes: Catie Curtis (basically pick any song out from Long Night Moon, there ya go. Seriously, no one listens to this woman. She’s amazing.)
—-So we say goodbye together, when it’s time for moving on. Make the world a little better, pass some love along. But I’ve got a hard time, hard time hard time, moving on. The world is turning, so slowly, turns the future to the past, turns the ocean like a carousel pulling waves and waves on laughs. But I can’t feel it, move beneath me. So every ending’s a surprise. I can’t feel these changes coming, I’ve got a hard time with goodbyes. We are turning so slowly, I hope we’re turning for the best. May we move toward love in our quest for happiness. And may we lift up each other, through the darkest night, ‘cause we are all in this together turning underneath the sky.

5. Where I Stood: Missy Higgins (I still don’t know what this song should mean.)
—-I don’t know what I’ve done, or if I like what I’ve begun. But something told me to run, and honey, you know me it’s all or none. There were sounds in my head little voices whispering, that I should go or this should end and I found myself listening. ‘Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. I can’t stand another hand upon. All I know is that should. ‘Cause she will love you more than I could. She who dares to stand where I stood. And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call. You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you, this is what I have to do.

6. Gone: Kelly Clarkson (yes, my guilty pleasure. And the reason this is called a mixed up tape.)
—-Your eyes they sparkled that’s all changed into lies that drop like acid rain you washed away the best of me you don’t care. You know you did it I’m gone. To find someone to live for in this world. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel tonight just a bridge that I gotta burn. You were wrong if you think you could walk right through my door. Sometimes shattered, never open, nothing matters when you’re broken. That was me whenever I was with you. Always ending. Always over. Back and forth up and down like a roller coaster I am breaking that habit today. There is nothing you can say, sorry doesn’t cut it babe. Take the hit and walk away, ‘cause I’m gone. There is nothing you can do it’s what you did that’s hurting you all I needed was the truth, now I’m gone.

7. Always: Erasure (yes, this is the song from Robot Unicorn Attack.)
—-Always, I want to be with you and make believe with you and live in harmony, harmony, oh love.

8. One: Johnny Cash (a cover of the U2 song, but I really like this one more.)
—-Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Did it make it easier on you now, you’ve got someone to blame? You said, one love, one life, when it’s one need, in the night. One love we get to share. It leaves you, baby, if you don’t care for it. Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had love, and you want me to go without. Well it’s too late, tonight, to drag the past out, into the light. We’re one but we’re not the same. We get to carry each other, carry each other. Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head? Did I ask too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing now, it’s all I got. We’re one but we’re not the same. Well, we hurt each other, and we’re doing it again. You said love is a temple, love the higher law, love is a temple, love the higher law. You ask me to enter and then you make me crawl, but I can’t keep holding on to what you’ve got, when all you’ve got is hurt. (FYI-I just wrote that whole thing out from memory.)

9. So What: P!nk (two things: I know she doesn’t really spell her name like that anymore, but I love it. Also, this is why it’s called a mix(ED UP) tape.)
—-So, so what? I’m still a rock star. I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you and guess what? I’m having more fun, and now that we’re done, I’m gonna show you tonight, I’m alright, I’m just fine, and you’re a tool so, so what? I’m still a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight. You weren’t there, you never were, you want it all but that’s not fair. I gave you life, I gave my all, you weren’t there you let me fall.

10. Missing You: Jem (it’s about death…but…)
—-I wish this could be a happy song but my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone. Don’t think I ever believe this day would come. Now all I’m feeling is lost and numb. I know I promised that I would try but I, yes I, miss you and it’s killing inside. I’ll always be thankful for the time we had. We were blessed, I should celebrate but I feel too sad. All the wonderful memories just make me fall apart and it feels like somebody’s stabbed me in my heart. I know I promised that I would try but I, yes I, miss you and it’s killing inside. Oh I, yes I, miss you, want you by my side. Walking, holding hands, talking, making plans, touching my heart, my soul.

Well, that’s probably not even all of it. But it’s late. And I worked too long today. And I don’t want to go to class.

Something was missing…
…and I know exactly what it was.

Something was missing…

…and I know exactly what it was.

Robot Unicorn Attack

Don’t start playing this game unless you want to get addicted. And get the song stuck in your head. Seriously. I’m warning you.

Missy Higgins – Where I Stood
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

I can’t decide what this song is supposed to mean. If it’s saying I did the right thing and I miss you, or I want you back because I’m still in love. Both apply to me, I guess. Do you know?

Things That Are On My Mind About Tomorrow (Today Now I Guess)

Because I need a plan to keep my head on straight right now.

1. Return the fuchsia dress to Dillard’s. No where near as beautiful and flattering as the blue one.
2. Track time! At least a mile, maybe more. Enough to wear me out for the day.
3. If it’s nice again, which I’m sure it will be, it’s time to get some sun.
4. My license is still expired DAMMIT.
5. I don’t even know if I want to hang out with anyone.
6. I think I’m going to Starbucks with Kate to update her on my life.
7. Please don’t let me think about this all day long.

No. It’s not for God. It’s not for my parents. It’s for me.
And I think this will be the best decision I’ve ever made.

No. It’s not for God. It’s not for my parents. It’s for me.

And I think this will be the best decision I’ve ever made.

All The Small Things

I just wrote a paragraph and a half about my anxiety and I deleted it all. I don’t know why. I need to go back to writing…Xanga, here I come.

It’s gettin’ a little crazy up here in the old CR.

It’s gettin’ a little crazy up here in the old CR.

This Is The Kind Of Thing I Need Right Now

  • Andy: Thank you for existing!
  • Me: Thank you for wanting me to exist.
  • Andy: If I could want anything it would be for me to stick you in my pocket and carry you around everywhere I go.
  • Me: I'd love to live my life in your pocket!
  • Andy: There's weed in there.
  • Me: Even better.

Tomorrow At Three

My whole life could change. Or go back to the way it was before. I’d rather have the second one.

Why do I put myself in these uncomfortable situations?

Running Is A Lot Like Sex

Think about it.

It’s such an extreme release of emotions. And it always makes you feel better. Sometimes it’s better with music, sometimes it’s better without, but you always have to be in the mood. Sometimes while you’re running you have to push yourself through the hills because you know the final outcome will be something amazing. It might get hard at times but you don’t want to stop because it feels great. When you see the finish line in sight you pick up the pace because you want that last stretch to be awesome. You want to feel the burn, you want to know that you deserve to cross that finish line. And once you do you’re so happy. After a run you just collapse. You’re breathing heavy, your heart’s racing, you’re sweating and your mind is spinning. After the initial exhaustion, you have a feeling of being revitalized. You’re ready to get up and do anything. You’re perky, you’re happy, you love life. It clears your mind. It allows you to feel what you really want to feel.

And also, not good on an empty stomach.

This is what I realized today: Running is a lot like sex.

This is what I realized today: Running is a lot like sex.

My first go at photo-editing. It’s looks good, yes?

My first go at photo-editing. It’s looks good, yes?

Let’s Try A Mix(ed up) Tape.

1. It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye: Boyz II Men (Although I have my high school’s acapella group’s version of it which I like, A LOT more.)
—-How do I, say goodbye, to what we had? The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad. I thought we’d get to see forever, but forever’s gone away. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. I don’t know where this road is going to lead. All I know is where we’ve been and what we’ve been through. If we get to see tomorrow I hope it’s worth all the wait. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. And I’ll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain. It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

2. Breakeven: The Script (probably the best one on here)
—-I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing. Just praying to a god that I don’t believe in. ‘Cause I got time while she got freedom, ‘cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even. Her best days will be some of my worst. She finally met a man that’s gonna put her first. While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping. ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up that you’re okay? I’m falling to pieces, yeah, I’m falling to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are gonna stop the bleeding, ‘cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving. ‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t break even, even, no. You took his heart and my heart and none of the pain, you took your suitcase I took the blame. Now I’m tryna make sense of what little remains. ‘Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name.

3. One More Time With Feeling: Regina Spektor (this one’s short. Like one line. But it fits.)
—-Hold on, one more time with feeling. Try it again, breathing’s just a rhythm. Say it in your mind until you know the words are right. This is why we fight.

4. Hard Time With Goodbyes: Catie Curtis (basically pick any song out from Long Night Moon, there ya go. Seriously, no one listens to this woman. She’s amazing.)
—-So we say goodbye together, when it’s time for moving on. Make the world a little better, pass some love along. But I’ve got a hard time, hard time hard time, moving on. The world is turning, so slowly, turns the future to the past, turns the ocean like a carousel pulling waves and waves on laughs. But I can’t feel it, move beneath me. So every ending’s a surprise. I can’t feel these changes coming, I’ve got a hard time with goodbyes. We are turning so slowly, I hope we’re turning for the best. May we move toward love in our quest for happiness. And may we lift up each other, through the darkest night, ‘cause we are all in this together turning underneath the sky.

5. Where I Stood: Missy Higgins (I still don’t know what this song should mean.)
—-I don’t know what I’ve done, or if I like what I’ve begun. But something told me to run, and honey, you know me it’s all or none. There were sounds in my head little voices whispering, that I should go or this should end and I found myself listening. ‘Cause I don’t know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. I can’t stand another hand upon. All I know is that should. ‘Cause she will love you more than I could. She who dares to stand where I stood. And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call. You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you, this is what I have to do.

6. Gone: Kelly Clarkson (yes, my guilty pleasure. And the reason this is called a mixed up tape.)
—-Your eyes they sparkled that’s all changed into lies that drop like acid rain you washed away the best of me you don’t care. You know you did it I’m gone. To find someone to live for in this world. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel tonight just a bridge that I gotta burn. You were wrong if you think you could walk right through my door. Sometimes shattered, never open, nothing matters when you’re broken. That was me whenever I was with you. Always ending. Always over. Back and forth up and down like a roller coaster I am breaking that habit today. There is nothing you can say, sorry doesn’t cut it babe. Take the hit and walk away, ‘cause I’m gone. There is nothing you can do it’s what you did that’s hurting you all I needed was the truth, now I’m gone.

7. Always: Erasure (yes, this is the song from Robot Unicorn Attack.)
—-Always, I want to be with you and make believe with you and live in harmony, harmony, oh love.

8. One: Johnny Cash (a cover of the U2 song, but I really like this one more.)
—-Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same? Did it make it easier on you now, you’ve got someone to blame? You said, one love, one life, when it’s one need, in the night. One love we get to share. It leaves you, baby, if you don’t care for it. Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had love, and you want me to go without. Well it’s too late, tonight, to drag the past out, into the light. We’re one but we’re not the same. We get to carry each other, carry each other. Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head? Did I ask too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing now, it’s all I got. We’re one but we’re not the same. Well, we hurt each other, and we’re doing it again. You said love is a temple, love the higher law, love is a temple, love the higher law. You ask me to enter and then you make me crawl, but I can’t keep holding on to what you’ve got, when all you’ve got is hurt. (FYI-I just wrote that whole thing out from memory.)

9. So What: P!nk (two things: I know she doesn’t really spell her name like that anymore, but I love it. Also, this is why it’s called a mix(ED UP) tape.)
—-So, so what? I’m still a rock star. I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you and guess what? I’m having more fun, and now that we’re done, I’m gonna show you tonight, I’m alright, I’m just fine, and you’re a tool so, so what? I’m still a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don’t need you tonight. You weren’t there, you never were, you want it all but that’s not fair. I gave you life, I gave my all, you weren’t there you let me fall.

10. Missing You: Jem (it’s about death…but…)
—-I wish this could be a happy song but my happiness disappeared the moment you were gone. Don’t think I ever believe this day would come. Now all I’m feeling is lost and numb. I know I promised that I would try but I, yes I, miss you and it’s killing inside. I’ll always be thankful for the time we had. We were blessed, I should celebrate but I feel too sad. All the wonderful memories just make me fall apart and it feels like somebody’s stabbed me in my heart. I know I promised that I would try but I, yes I, miss you and it’s killing inside. Oh I, yes I, miss you, want you by my side. Walking, holding hands, talking, making plans, touching my heart, my soul.

Well, that’s probably not even all of it. But it’s late. And I worked too long today. And I don’t want to go to class.

Something was missing…
…and I know exactly what it was.

Something was missing…

…and I know exactly what it was.

Robot Unicorn Attack

Don’t start playing this game unless you want to get addicted. And get the song stuck in your head. Seriously. I’m warning you.

Things That Are On My Mind About Tomorrow (Today Now I Guess)

Because I need a plan to keep my head on straight right now.

1. Return the fuchsia dress to Dillard’s. No where near as beautiful and flattering as the blue one.
2. Track time! At least a mile, maybe more. Enough to wear me out for the day.
3. If it’s nice again, which I’m sure it will be, it’s time to get some sun.
4. My license is still expired DAMMIT.
5. I don’t even know if I want to hang out with anyone.
6. I think I’m going to Starbucks with Kate to update her on my life.
7. Please don’t let me think about this all day long.

No. It’s not for God. It’s not for my parents. It’s for me.
And I think this will be the best decision I’ve ever made.

No. It’s not for God. It’s not for my parents. It’s for me.

And I think this will be the best decision I’ve ever made.

All The Small Things
This Is The Kind Of Thing I Need Right Now
Tomorrow At Three
Running Is A Lot Like Sex
Colbie Caillat – Older

Listen, listen, listen.

Let’s Try A Mix(ed up) Tape.
Missy Higgins – Where I Stood

I can’t decide what this song is supposed to mean. If it’s saying I did the right thing and I miss you, or I want you back because I’m still in love. Both apply to me, I guess. Do you know?

Things That Are On My Mind About Tomorrow (Today Now I Guess)

About:

Following: